beauty within

Indie Designers and Artists Give Back at UNIQUE LA

Thousands of curious hopefuls flooded Los Angeles’ California Market Center to meet and shop directly from independent designers and artists at day one of UNIQUE LA’s 5^th Annual Spring Show this past Mother’s Day weekend.

The two-day ten-dollar-entry shopping event held in the Penthouse floor of the California Market Center welcomed an average of 15-17,000 guests over the weekend, averaging about 7,000 per day.

“I just like how people make [stuff] and make it into a business,” Katrina Reyes, shopper and attendee of the event for two years, says. “It’s everyone’s individuality set out there. You can just tell how everyone is based off of their stuff.”

As the largest independent design show in the country, UNIQUE LA has a reputation for bringing local-made design and art to the masses while also supporting the US economy and small businesses.

“On average shoppers spend over $1.5 million at each UNIQUE shopping event,” State of Unique writes. “Because the curated events feature only made-in-America products, the money spent is injected right back into the community.”

As a curated show, each of the designers and artists are hand-selected by a committee devoted towards providing a diverse collection of designers and vendors for the show.

Aisha Shaya, Senior Event Producer of UNIQUE LA, states that “out of the 600-700 people who apply, only 350 vendors are accepted for capacity.” She also adds that jewelry vendors are their largest category.

Beginning at 11am in the morning to 6pm at night, UNIQUE LA vendors are excited to spend their days at the event as one vendor, JD Cowles of All Spice Café, enthuses, “You’ve got all these awesome vendors [and] it’s an awesome show.” As crowds of people fight for his samples of his renowned sauces, he cries, “I couldn’t sell [my stuff] fast enough!”

As shoppers survey the booths ranging from handmade clothing, vintage jewelry, posters and prints to freshly made macarons, others flood the free food and drinks being served by LUNA Bar, JOIA All Natural Sodas and Honest Tea, among others.

* PHOTO COURTESY of Rough Skies.

Located in the middle of the Penthouse, Meg Frampton of Chandler the Robot shares her booth with two friends, Nick Price from Bolt Lighting and Kate Nelson from Golden Locket Designs.

A newbie at the event, Frampton showcases her handcrafted robot-jewelry which she first picked up at home as a hobby just three-years ago. She confesses, “This is the first craft show that I’ve done. … There’s so much amazing creative talent here, and I’ve got so much to learn!”

Her display is an assembly of a wooden table besides a vintage cabinet holding up a display of metal pipes adorned with robot jewelry and necklaces. These are illuminated by the handmade light fixtures by Bolt Lighting and charming old-timey cards from Golden Locket Designs.

Being there since 9pm the night before, Price adds they were “trying to figure out how to make that green wallpaper stay,” pointing to their lofty cubicle. He expresses how proud he is of how the booth turned out as Frampton exclaims, “My sister keeps coming back every hour saying, ‘This looks so cool! How did you get it to be like this?!’”

Vendors were more than happy to talk about their products, as Cowles from All Spice Café mentioned how he “never knew my family product would lead me to winning a hot-sauce competition and my own business.” He adds that he first joined UNIQUE in December 2011 and he’s “done every show since then.”

As UNIQUE thrives on both creating and giving back to the community, they dedicate each show to bringing awareness to various non-profits they find important. For this Spring Show, they donated 10% of all ticket sales to the Downtown Women’s Center (DWC), a center for providing help to homeless and abused women.

“[Our numbers are] increasing every show,” Shaya says of UNIQUE. “Our first show was in 2008 in LA as a Spring Show, then we had the Holiday Show, and now we have ones in SF and New York.”

As the day winds close to its closure, more guests fill the room as the room becomes stuffy and the temperature significantly rises. The photo booth snaps their last couple of shots of attendees posed with unicorn masks and bunny ears, while Do-It-Yourself craft tables become overloaded with scattered papers and designs. Food vendors give out their last samples of chocolates, cakes and tea, while clothing-vendors finish up transactions and conversations with customers, or close their booth up for the next day to come.

As a line of people piled up in front of the elevator about 50-feet in length, the length of 5 cars, to leave the Penthouse, conversations lingered as attendees pawned over their purchases, with vendors and shoppers alike exchanging ideas or sharing a toast for the day they had just shared together. There had gleamed hope for the day to happen all over again.

Luxury Makes Me Feel Uncomfortable

Luxury makes me feel so, darn, uncomfortable.

The other day, I was riding in a car that seemed to be a bit more on the upscale-side. I’ve grown up not entirely being exposed to people with this kind of money (or perhaps befriending them for that matter), and that flaunted wealth made me feel weird.

To sit in a bundle of wealth was strange. I felt so out of place and uncomfortable. It didn’t feel genuine to my character. It didn’t feel normal to impress with wealth. It didn’t feel right to me.

The other day, I was invited to cover a red carpet event. I fawned over the posh-ness of the hotel and designer brands being showcased at every corner, and looked at a surreal black Ferrari parked in front of the valet.

To observe these things was different than actually having them or having the luxury to enjoy them. It was nice to look at, but to actually have would be a different story.

Luxury makes me feel uncomfortable.

Why? I’m not entirely sure, but maybe it would be of the feeling of knowing I have more than I need. That what I have could be used for something better. That what’s in front of me doesn’t hold any real value. That it lacks a soul or goodness of heart. That I have so far strayed from the real issues at hand and become selfish. To please ourselves with inanimate objects, when a deeper and more meaningful life could be at hand. Because money can provide opportunities. And I’ve spent it on the opportunity to please myself with emptiness.

To live in luxury is to be comfortable. And damn the day I ever become comfortable.

A UNIQUE LA Experience, from the Eyes of the Frampton Music-Devotee (May 11, 2013)

This past weekend, UNIQUE LA held their 5th Annual “Made in America” independent design show in the heart of Los Angeles, just thirteen stories up in the California Market Center. I have to say, the creativity and talent flowing through each of the 350-curated vendors amazed me as their unique character and passion for the products just flowed right into you! From a poster-maker to a hand-knitter to a hot-sauce guy to a robot jeweler, I couldn’t be more glad to have been able to attend this event—and talk to some cool people as well!

In just 2010, Meg Frampton of the lesser-known alt/indie-rock sister-duo Meg & Dia picked up her jewelry-making in quieter times at home as a hobby. “If you would have asked a four-year-old version of myself what I wanted to be when I ‘grew up,’” she writes on her website, “I would have exclaimed with glee, ‘I want to be a pop singer!’ Who would have known I would end up designing robot jewelry for your wearing pleasure?”

It’s been seven years since I can say her music had first entered my life, shedding some entirely new light and bringing my little thirteen-year-old self some hope, courage and an enthusiasm into this little thing we call “living.” Over the years I have avidly been following her and her band—whether it be nagging my brother to take me to Warped Tour at fourteen, attending school-night city-ridden concerts in high school, or driving distances for a TV-appearance, I not only loved the music and words they were putting out, but I admired the genuine kind of people they were, as it was almost like I was finding a piece of myself in them. They, as indirectly as it may be, pushed me to follow my own interests and sharpen my gifts as an individual to create the best kind of impact I can have, not only on my life, but on the lives of others as well.

To hear that Meg and drummer-turned-boyfriend Nick Price were pairing up this weekend to sell Chandler the Robot and Bolt Lighting was enough of an excuse for me to go out, support and have some fun of my own at their first independent craft show. Talking with Meg, she told me, “There’s so much amazing creative talent here, and I’ve got so much to learn!”

Over the course of some time in college, I’ve been fiddling with my interests and have found that my knack for writing and love for music could lead me to some great places—possibly including music and event journalism, writing and sharing the stories of others while I share in their experiences myself. One of my latest assignments for one of my classes was to go out and do an event coverage—and who’da thunk it?! UNIQUE LA came right in time for me to do that!

Finding almost no one to be able to drive to this event with me, I became desperate and reached out to one of my high school friends Andrew, who is attending school down here as well, if he would like to come along—and by gods I struck luck! (Last October I auditioned for The Voice’s “Dia’s biggest fan in LA” for kicks, which consisted of ditching school and paying $60 for an hour-or-two AMTRAKing and taxiing myself up to Sherman Oaks. Read about it here.) We hit the road 9a.m Saturday morning and made sure to make it in time for the event’s opening at 11a.m. I was determined to at least make the most of my time there, since I’d be there for only a day. I was curious to see what UNIQUE LA had to offer!

Upon first entering that convention center, the curious seekers and conversation-hadders filled the generally quiet room as vendors were already tending to many on-lookers. As I surveyed the area and looked around the booths with just $80 straddled to my wallet, I eyed a lot of cool little gift ideas for friends and family, sampling tons of freebie Luna bars, Honest Tea, chocolates on chocolates, pies, cake truffles, and more tea… The food was absolutely scrumptious. I later asked a macaron-guy what the difference between macarons and macaroons were (the first being made of almond butter, and the latter with coconut, I had found), and had a full-on conversation with a kooky award-winning hot-sauce guy who never thought his product for his family would lead to him winning a hot-sauce competition and his own business. It was just as pleasing to see a few familiar old vendors that I had ventured into becoming a big fan of at UC Irvine’s Vendor Fair, such as Love Nail Tree and Oh, Hello Friend.

COURTESY OF www.lovinglysimple.com | www.ohhellofriendblog.com

Stumbling across some great innovative and individualistic artwork and posters, pretty light fixtures and “magic wallets” made out of vintage book-covers made my insides soar with glee! I couldn’t help but snag one of these adorable cards created by The Little Red House, or these neat little wallets designed and handmade by the man behind Magic Industrie himself!

What struck me the most was how passionate and down-to-earth these people were. From sampling chocolate delicacies to asking to take a picture in front of a light fixture, the vendors were more than happy to talk about their work with you as they were so passionate about it. Isn’t that where passion stems from, anyhow?

By the time I worked my way to Meg and Nick’s booth, I asked them how setting up and their days have been. Nick told me they were there since 9p.m last night figuring ways on “how to make that green wallpaper stay” for the booth they were setting up. I have to say that I loved seeing all of their work put together collectively, since it had always remained just separate images I had seen online. Their booth looked absolutely amazing and I loved how simple yet intricate it was! Meg was saying how Dia, sister and former band-counterpart with Meg, kept going back to the booth every hour with excitement saying, “This looks so cool!” 

I told Meg about my broken-clasp on her “Leaving on a jetplane” bracelet, which she said she would gladly repair; and, unknowingly, she gave me her “Giraffe” bracelet for keeps! After I inputted my mailing info into her iPad, it didn’t quite process in my mind that she did that until I left the booth. (She’s such a gem!) I snapped a photo with the two as she noticed my friend Andrew’s SF poster, and she then told us about her sister Jade who was dropping by later in the day who drove down for a friend’s graduation. She told me to totally go tell Jade that I read her blog, for she’d love it (but I never got the chance to meet her, unfortunately. I wonder what she thinks of that place I call home!).

After going around some time, I spotted Dia randomly shopping around with a friend (which I wasn’t quite expecting, for I’d no idea she’d be dropping in as well). I ran into her five or six times throughout the entire day, approaching her once in which she was caught a little off-guard—or “aloof” as Carlo, guitarist of Meg & Dia, would say. (This was the second time I’ve seen Dia in this setting, just as when I met her and Carlo in the Farmer’s Market of the Grove last July. Read about it here.) As the busy-little-bee that I was throughout the day, on a mission to interview some vendors and event-goers, I looked fervently for gifts for my family (oh indecision is killer!) and sampled more and more yummy treats. I ran into Carlo and his wife later as he recognized me and Meg & Dia’s long-time manager Mike Kaminsky when he found me lurking around after he texted me he was there. The last thing I’d expect was for the day to turn into a band-reunion of some sort!

After I had finished interviewing an enthused event-goer, the hot-sauce creator of All Spice Cafe, the event producer of UNIQUE LA (in which I found invaluable information from), and Meg Frampton herself, it was already rounding up into the end of the afternoon. My eyes were struggling to stay open, my legs were starting to tense up, and my energy was dying from the sugar-filled diet I had all afternoon. More and more people flooded the room (maybe getting a little warm in there) as vendors continued to chat, sometimes relax, and answered questions for event-goers. I’m pretty sure I walked around the place collectively about 10x—yes, still seeing if there were any little presents I might want to bring home—as some of the vendors seemed to recognize me! One adorable Asian man selling bath salts with his family called out to me, “You’re back?!” (His bath salts were magical, I might add.)

It was an exciting day running around trying to take the time to really bask in the hand-crafted foods, products, artwork and trinkets offered, and seeing to the vendors and event-goers, recording quick Vine videos and snapping shots of everything… And yet, throughout the day of running into all these familiar faces, I was experiencing a familiar sort of “excitement” and “anticipating” sort of feeling that reminded me of that little thirteen-year-old girl who begged her mom and nagged her brother to let her go to Warped Tour in 2007…

As the event was approaching its close at 6p.m, I decided to go back and visit Meg’s booth to say bye to Mike and the band. I noticed a guy who was with them and reluctantly asked, with hesitation, “Aren’t you MySpace Tom?” He smiled back and said, “Yes I am!” Mike was telling him how I listened to the band’s music ever since I was a little girl as Tom asked me what was their first show I went to. I mentioned how I fondly remember seeing the band on the front-page of MySpace as Nick replied, “That was the happiest day of my life.” Tom then thought that I was “the sister who was supposed to eat dinner with them” when he saw me sitting on the bench across from the booth. One of the mothers added, “Yeah I thought she was too. I mean, I’ve seen pictures of the sisters and I thought she was one of them!” Tom and all of them were saying how I could pass as one of their sisters, with even Nick agreeing and nodding his head. I told them that I’ve been getting that a lotlately (and if you’re an avid reader of my blog and Meg & Dia-followings, you would know that ever since Dia went on The Voice, every event I’ve gone to has always consisted of a stranger telling me that!). He then asked what I was—“…Japanese?”—which I corrected as Filipino, and he said he should’ve known! Hah. (It is flattering to look like the ones you’ve looked up to in your life, but hey—I’m my own person too, and I think I’ve reached that point where I can look past the giddy-excitement and just take it as a humbling compliment.)

~

A lot of people look at me and tell me, “You’re so lucky.” I’ve met a handful of amazing and interesting individuals over the years—from a YouTube star hitting on me to meeting a Disney starlet who put my video on her page. They laugh at the things that happen in my life when I indirectly break boys hearts or those who try to play slick when I sit on a couch playing video-games at a party. As this band has been the first real encounter for me growing up—who has also weighed the most importance to me over the years—they’ve made meeting anybody such a humbling experience for me (six years’ practice I would suppose!). What makes meeting and chatting with this band so different from the others is that I have a genuine interest and respect for what they do (and I find myself being interested in the same things—talk about finding a piece of myself in them again, ya?). But, growing up, I never really vocalized my support to the band even though I always met them at every show I’ve been to. I’ve always laughed at those who got all giddy when they saw popular faces and, when it came to this band, I knew how much they meant to me—whether I showed it through YouTube covers, blog posts, concert reviews, video recordings, photos, attending TV-appearances or “auditions,” for Heaven’s sake! I showed my support by actively going out and genuinely loving the moment—whether they knew me or not (I just wanted to be friends with them!). And yet, one thing led to another.

Although anyone would be all gaga at the idea of being able to hang out and genuinely get to know their “role models,” I, with my experiences with the band and, as of late, being able to really chat with them, feel just blessed and humbled enough to have been able to go this far in being able to know them like this. (I owe the extremely nice and down-to-earth manager Mike Kaminsky for all of it! My sincerest and hugest of thanks to that kooky and kool dude.) I can say that getting back into my thirteen-year-old self’s head that I would’ve never imagined in a million years that I’d be able to see them as much as I have been. It’s weird—stuff and things just happen. You go to this and you go to that. Whether they do ever get to know me as well as I know them (it’s sad to know you can know so much about someone yet they know nothing of you) remains a mystery. But, I feel so blessed to have had that moment in my life where I was able to “let go” and just “do me”—because I’ve always wanted to do the music, the writing, and the traveling myself. Which is maybe why I felt I’ve always identified with them. As I have my own things in my life that I’m doing, who knows where my interests and career choices will take me. But one thing’s for sure–-Meg & Dia have created a community within themselves and, I may be able to say that I have found myself to have become a part of that community as well—and that has been the most humbling thing I could have ever owed to myself.

That mentality of forcing myself to go out of my way and sporadically “drop everything and go” has given me my most craziest and weirdest of experiences to date. I definitely have grown with the band myself growing up, for looking at my meek experiences with them years back almost embarrasses me! But, being able to attend UNIQUE LA and enjoy this culture as much as they do themselves was a great feeling. It was awesome being able to meet and chat with like-minded people whom I don’t often find back home or at school. One girl I had talked with told me, “I just like how people make [stuff] and make it into a business. … It’s everyone’s individuality set out there. You can just tell how everyone is based off of their stuff.” Also, my conversation with the hot-sauce vendor was equally entertaining as he commented, “It’s an awesome show. You’ve got all these amazing vendors, and I couldn’t sell [my stuff] fast enough! I’ve done every [show] since then.”

The passion flooding from these people is amazing and particularly inspiring to witness. People want to talk. People want to have a good time. People want to eat each other’s food and spend time with DIY-crafts. Nothing’s like buying and supporting from the community for the community. These are people just like us, which makes their crafts that much more personal and meaningful. Attending an event like this has shown me a great new appreciation for the art in buying and supporting from people just like yourself.

So, I tell you here on out… Show some love for your community! I find that too often people have grown scared and shut-off from each other, that the love and openness and willingness to be with others is hard to find. Put yourself out there and do what you do. Once you take that first step, you’re opening yourself to so many opportunities! And that doesn’t go just for one thing. It applies to all of us, whatever community we’re in. Whether you’re that band-geek or groupie or homebody or foodie…being open can take you a long way. And it all starts with taking that first step.

Learn more at http://stateofunique.com/
View my photo album from the event here (and one of 3 Vine videos).

“The Great Gatsby” and the Love-lorn Spectacle of Life

Extremely appealing and exaggeratedly creative, Baz Luhrmann’s The Great Gatsby takes a highly creative and new approach to the classic 20th-century novel, twisting and turning it in ways that heighten its sense of extravagance and dramatizes the danger of love-lorn dreams.

From the off-start, audiences are swept into a highly computerized and digitally-edited world of special effects alluding to 1920s New York with business men clad in suits working Wall Street while flappers and brothel-women climb over men to gain an extra buck or two. The ethereal and dream-like Daisy Buchanan puts this concept so beautifully in a quote from Fitzgerald’s novel: “I hope she’ll be a fool—that’s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.”

The beginning of the film is clearly strange and off-putting as the weird cut-editing in-between conversations and the use of fast-forwarded sequences almost makes the film seem like a cartoon with its actors performing in that illusion. Also, the actors clearly try to equip old-fashioned 1920s American accents, seeming as if they are trying too hard to fit into that world. But, I feel these contribute to the film’s overall sense of artificiality and extravagance. Though everything may seem all “glitz-and-glam,” there is a slight dark undertone of the bleak vastness of 1920s glamor and high artifice that exists in these characters—and society—who achieve reputable recognition through their wealth, money and status.

But, as the film gears towards a more narrative approach once establishing the strangeness of the entire artifice of that world, the humanistic side of Gatsby’s long-sought five-year meeting with Daisy creates a beautiful tale of the tragedy of love affected by 1920s society of marriage expectations and wealth. We see Leonardo DiCaprio work his charm playing the troubled Jay Gatsby as his learned customs of behavior and wealth comes crumbling down the moment of coming into contact with his “dream”—the beloved Daisy Buchanan, played exceptionally charmingly by Carey Mulligan (Blue Valentine, 2010). Naturally, things begin to tie together and make sense of all that has been observed in the beginning to provide answers to ordinary literary questions, such as: Why does Gatsby throw these extravagant parties? What is the significance of the green light over the bay? Where do Tom and Daisy stand in society? And what do all their involvements have to say about 1920s society, maybe even providing a critique of it? And how is it ever so relevant today?

Perhaps Luhrmann knew exactly how to put his own spin on the novel with exasperatingly overdone digitization and elaborate costume-ry. It was almost a Vegas production which, successfully, is able to bring the “magic” and “allurement” of Gatsby’s parties to life. Although the actors did an exceptional job, with added Tobey Maguire portraying the perfectly meek and objective guy-pal Nick Carraway, the film is almost lost to its artistic direction and investment in feeling. But, quite favorably, doesn’t that just pack 1920s American society for ya? A society for art, for wealth, for love, for emotion? It’s a big drunken, bizarre reality that the cast was able to perform charmingly! And having the musical direction curated by Jay-Z added a modern contemporary hip-hop feel that just heightens the sense of debauchery, adding a “cool,” “hip” element to the film that allows it to stay ever so relevant.

Is it the dream girl that you so over-envisioned that pains you? Or is it that ceaseless reaching for that distant dream you so long remember in your past? Is it a moment of ecstasy? A moment you wanted back? Like “boats against the current”? Luhrmann may have gone extreme and brought Hollywood to the scene but, this film was quite amusing. And, isn’t life, after all, just a spectacle?

To mobilize your passions to the motherland (13th Annual Kababayan Conference, “(re)Ignite from Within”)

This past Saturday, Kababayan at UC Irvine held its 13th annual “KabaCon,” or Kababayan Conference: “(re)Ignite from Within.” After a 3-year hiatus, I was particularly moved and re-inspired to shift my focus to take action on exploring my own identity through exploring the identities of the ones who have made me. Through three interactive and informative workshop-sections, the eye-opening stories realized through “Exploring (Our)story,” the moving actions explored in “Building Leadership Skills,” and the inflamed spurs to create change inspired in “Taking Action” helped us to not only focus on ourselves as individuals today, but to realize how exactly we ended up here and how the world has openly created, treated, identified, labelled, and bought us. The issues risen not only relates to an internal cause, but to a cause that relates to a patterned history that simply lets yourself say, “This just isn’t right.”

Too often and more than enough have we been becoming more and more complacent. Through becoming more complacent and continuing to let our “colonized” minds rule our actions and lives, it will only cause us to remain products of an individualized-nation, erasing the true matters and meanings of the heart and forgetting to realize those we are “forever indebted to.” Our colonized minds have inspired us to selfishly seek out our own pursuits and goals—as I myself have been victim to it—but, the more and more I”deconstruct” and allow myself to absorb all of the information embedded in my own and my family’s history, I will, perhaps, be able to inspire another and, instead of selfishly seeking out of my pursuits and goals, will gear my own goals towards giving back to the ones that mean the most.

It is easy for me to say I love writing. I love music, I love movies, I love sounds, I love storytelling. But, deep within any “love” for something lies a reason. I love this all because it is my Voice. Yes, there may have been many times where I may have been scolded for it—where people just couldn’t understand my quiet nature or why I took refuge in these medium rather than upfront saying what I mean. In reality—that hurts. “Why can’t you just tell me what you feel?” Sometimes—especially for the creative and introverted—what’s felt is best understood through the art of living (i.e. the actions done, performed, created, speaking louder than words themselves). As I’ve been absorbing more and more realities within the past year of those who have been oppressed and repressed within our society and of my family’s, I can’t stand the idea of not being allowed to utilize my best asset. The key to understanding the struggle of our people is to internalize it—if just for a moment—and realize the pain that comes when you realize the struggle of losing what makes you you. It’s about fighting for what’s right—whatever it is to you.

I’m not going to tell you what I think is right (even though it may slip out in a couple statements or opinions I might have at times). I’m not going to lecture you on the history of our people and how many times we’ve been oppressed (for I’m the worst story-teller and just can’t seem to really “teach” another). I may not be a major pool of information or a great passer-on-of-information, but, I can be living proof of all the information and realizations and experiences I have absorbed and stayed witness to. I can take action and gear towards responding to those issues. And I can fight for what I think is right, if it be by word, by music, by film, or by character.

Perhaps I am in that stage of being “born” right now. I am absorbing all of this information because it has been completely eye-opening and mind-blowing, and I, being one who has always took upon the suffering of the world as if it were her own (and just a natural adapter who thrives off of suffering), want to know more. Within the past year, I’ve had a friend who has educated me on this all—not in the dumb classroom-setting kind of way or formal teaching—but through real talking with me. No b/s. No sugar-coating. Just truth.

I’ve always felt that there was something about me that was able to appeal and attract the interests of others. I too much empathized with others growing up, being that “good listener” and friend to those who needed it. I stayed obedient to rules and duties asked upon me, whether it be listening to my mother or following the uniform dress-code in private school. I was too shy to ever say a word in class, and found such great glee in being able to write what I was thinking. As I grew up, I valued myself and respected myself and wanted to make my realizations more visible. Through cultural dancing I developed confidence in myself to perform in front of others. Through music and playing the guitar, I developed self-confidence in my natural-ability to play that thing and found a sensational sense of story-telling and appeal to the masses in the art of music. Through taking my first stand as a student leader in high school, I found my love for inspiring, moving, and helping others. And, as I’ve received a slew of eyeballs and looks from maybe creepy and not-so-creepy individuals over the past years growing up, I have developed my burning desire to turn that on its head and use my appeal to really voice my thoughts.

Perhaps, what I am trying to say is, through my loves and passions and own natural tendencies of character, mobilizing what you are for the greater good of not only yourself or your family, but also of the community and community rooted back to the motherland, one can still find happiness and success accomplishing the goals that one little girl growing up always wanted to do, but also receive a sense of gratitude in oneself knowing that her work and successes have touched another.

As a closing remark to Kababayan’s 13 Annual Conference, let’s remember:

“When you fail, you should never let it get to your heart. When you succeed, you should never let it get to your ego.”

* Something like “KabaCon” at UC Irvine needs to be continued, for without the right means to knowing our culture, we’re being robbed of our ability for knowledge, and missing the root to what makes Kababayan, kababayan.

On the topic of guys and object of affections

Yes, I know it’s 4a.m. right now. And, after tonight, I can’t quite put myself to rest until I have the time to really reflect about this.

Yes, I’m the girl who keeps getting hit on at parties. I’m the girl who plays Call of Duty while people drink around me and guys are led to introduce themselves to me. I’m the girl who gets guys’ arms wrapped around her when she sits on a couch. I’m the girl who gets her hand kissed and forehead kissed and gets drunk-talked to when guys’ inhibitions go down. I’m the girl who gets hit on by 3 mid-30s men in the middle of the night buying 24-hour milk tea. I’m the girl whose friends constantly tease and make fun of for breaking hearts and letting people down. I’m the girl who guys confess things to when all they’re enamored with is the idea of me. I’m the girl who made someone drink their disappointments up. I’m the girl who got Gabe Bondoc’s number. And I’m the girl who keeps letting guys’ hopes down when they ask to hang out with me and their hope never goes as planned.

To think that this would all get to my head someday is a joke. I think that after so many encounters, I’ve become so numb and quite annoyed by it all. People say all these things about me, with friends teasing me about watching out for my “attracting people” by never really even doing anything. People say, “Don’t touch her. Watch out for her. Be careful or else you’ll fall for her,” when the reality of the situation always is just a simple infatuation.

Somebody please shoot me the day if and whenever this does get to my head. In all honesty, I’ve been told many things that could have made any ordinary girl feel so good about herself that her confidence goes straight to her head and messes her up. But, all these “compliments” and so-called “attractions” have become so meaningless to me if it has caused me to still be who I am today—entirely humble, oblivious, and nice about it all. Of course, all the attention I may get is flattering, but, flattery only goes so far. This flattery doesn’t really account to my character or people knowing who I am. It’s not me who they like—it’s the idea of me.

Olive Penderghast: “You know, know the sad thing is, Evan, if you’d been a gentleman and maybe asked me out on a date, I might’ve said yes.”

This scene from “Easy A” has really been resonating with me lately. It becomes so easy for people to know you as “that girl” and thus make a habit out of approaching you in “that way”. Boys will be boys, and I’ve not the time to wait for them to grow up. Because… It really is sad. If you want something, and if you particularly feel something, there’s no reason in the world for you to hold it back. If you like a girl, ask her out on a date. Don’t get to know her through pitiful means. Really take the time out to get to know her. You’re always complaining how I keep putting people down? Well, maybe if someone actually took the time to decently get to know me, it would be a different story. And, if the interest just isn’t there, there’s no point in forcing it. It amazes me how difficult some people can understand that… Just go out there and do it. You may be surprised.

I think that a reason it has become so difficult for me to even develop just a minor or simple “crush” on someone is simply because of the fact I keep meeting the same people all the time. There’s no “gamechanger”. Perhaps I’ve become tired of all these people joking how much I get hit on by others. Maybe it’s because I’ve grown tired of it. Maybe it hurts sometimes. Maybe it creeps me out and it isn’t so funny. Maybe it makes me entirely sad, because people never know the reason why I may not like someone. Maybe it hurts when people become so “in love” with you for just being you—yes, I love talking with people and giving my utmost respect to them. To be a decent person and have the courtesy to really listen to people is something I’ve been known to have, because that’s just the one thing I feel like all people should be. I show compassion and care to others who need it. I love the “broken” ones because I thrive off of suffering and I know how broken people can feel… And my being “too nice” makes it so easy for people to become drawn to me—because, for some reason, people say they just don’t meet “nice people like me”. Yes, you love how I am and the things I do and the values I uphold—but, do you really know me? You’ve become so in love with the idea of me that it becomes hard for you to even remotely know what I’m interested in, or what I even want out of the life I’m living. You just like the way you feel when you’re around me. and that in itself has made me an “object of your affection”… (This is the point some feministy-type of content comes in…) I’ve just become objectified without being seen as a real human-being with emotions and ideas and feelings of her own. You talk about me, but when do I get my say?

People may find a problem with how opinionated I am and sometimes feel. If people wonder why I “never liked that guy,” and then ask, “Why are you being so mean?”, can you not understand my honesty in realizing something in some person that just “didn’t click”? Girls tend to run on the natural chemistry they have with another. It’s that internal, intuitive “gut feeling” where the feeling just feels right. Guys tend to love the big ideas and the ideas of being with some idealized girl… Girls “know” when it’s right. And, if a guy can make me smile without even trying to, or even make me laugh, and just hold a good conversation with me, and be able to just speak on the same wavelength as me… as if we’re on the same page, then so be it. We understand each other. But, as of now, I think I’ve just become tired of people “trying too hard to look cool,” and guys convincing themselves that “I’m the best one out there”. Please, you wouldn’t want a girl like me…

Because, let’s face it. I want someone to challenge me. To the point where I challenge myself. People wonder how all this affection and attention has never gotten to my head—perhaps it is because I’m an idealist who always wants and seeks for more. Who is never quite satisfied with her successes. Who never loved herself as much as others loved her. And never knew what it was like to really feel “loved”. I’m not perfect. I have issues of my own. And my being polite and making friends with everyone is just something I like—I like getting along with others because I find humans and their characters so beautiful—especially the broken stories people have. I’m naturally interested in others, especially when they need that friend or helping hand. I love to help others, because I know how it can feel to not be helped at all, or ever be listened to. But, I’m someone whose never loved and perhaps just wants someone to love her in a way that will make her believe she is loved. Whether in friendship or romantically. Not just someone who enamors people, or who people love the “idea” of… Someone who loves her for her.

Then again, I’m just in college. And I’ve always been a patient person, because the other ambitions I have in my life have always put my mind off of the lack of love in my life. I have many ambitions and dreams and goals I wish to accomplish, that whoever does “catch me off guard” will catch me at a time I won’t even be ready for. To expect the unexpected, is really to expect nothing at all.

Why? Because I’ve so much faith in letting life live itself, and letting my choices and ideals and goals drive it. I will live my life, and if someone nice comes along? Well, they will. I’m in no desperate haste. So don’t kill me for it. Faith is a beautiful thing.

I strive and live my life so simply. I ask for the simple things. I find joy in the little things (heck, someone was passing out flowers the other day and my eyes and spirit just naturally lightened!). I see a young mother holding her child and my heart warms up. I see someone doing something nice and I compliment them for it. A simple smile from a stranger makes my day that much better (for I realize there’s still hope in humanity! :) ). Treating people with all the love you have in your heart… That’s what I strive for—because giving others your love has become so difficult for some reason. I wonder why people have become so uptight… Because, It’s the little, simple things that make me happy. And yet, people make the simple, so. darn. complicated.

Good night. Trust in Faith. Trust in Love.

~

It’s been a while since I’ve been able to just really blog. You know, just really get my thoughts out there and have the time to sit down and reflect. Like old times. When your life is constantly on the move and you’re keeping yourself busy with lots of things and people, it’s easy to get “caught up,” and maybe lose yourself in it.

It’s weird to say, but I find my life has become a lot social. It’s become rare to have a night spent at home during the week. It’s usual for me to come back to my room at 10pm or even 3am in the morning, then get ready for bed while I finish some tiny assignments due the next day. I get up in the morning to head to campus, return home in the wee hours of the night just to “hit they hay-sack,” then get up and do it all over again.

I’m not sure if I can say if this all has been good for me—being out with friends all the time, attending meetings and eating out and attending after-events and whatnot. It’s totally unlike me. I’m utterly shy, introverted, reserved, and adore my personal time. But, I’ve put myself out there. People know my name. People recognize me. People remember.

There was a quote that I used to live by some years back. It goes, “Do not be simply good. Be good for something.”

Just not too long ago, I can say that I was entirely selfish in my pursuits and life goals. Albeit, I was always the nice girl who always looked for the best interest in others—to the point of maybe being taken advantage of—but, I find that the things I used to focus my life on so much—those dreams and maybe ambitions I had—have seemed to have lost their luster. That time that I enjoyed being home, being able to sit my butt in front of a TV absorbing myself in these “amazing” stories, inspire myself with a new film, or learn songs upon songs on the guitar, losing myself to the weepy melodies of the strings and voices caressing over those melancholic tones… I still have a love for those pastimes, but I find being with people makes that much more of a difference.

I’ve always been one that believed I had something to say. I’ve been an avid blogger since I was 12-years-old and have crafted my voice through it. I’ve had so many amazing individuals come into my life and influence me in ways unimaginable. With that, I’ve learned so much from them—probably because there was an innocence and a purity and an understanding I emitted that drew people to me. After all, I’ll never forget the time my high school mentor told me, “I want my daughter to grow up to be like you.”

I feel that in the many events and years I have gone through—although, very limited, for I still have so much to learn and experience—have almost amounted to the level of understanding I have on the world today. In middle school I discovered my inner-spirituality and faith and grew in touch with the values and morals that made me me. In high school I found the family within my culture through dancing, developed my love for written word, and discovered the music that healed and helped my heart in ways unimaginable—I married my guitar. In college, I stepped out of my sheltered life and opened myself to the cultured, diverse world of college, exposed to my culture and identity in ways unimaginable that “decolonized” my mind and made me become aware and take a stance on my position and place as a female and Filipina-American in society today. I’ve become aware of my existence.

I used to see dreams and ambitions as these one-way paths. If I were to be a musician or some entertainer or performer, that would be what my entire life would be. As I’ve been exposed to many people and have met and talked with so many different people from different fields, I’ve found that your life is what you make it to be—you’ll be just fine, as long as you’re doing the things you want to do. I figure that if I love music and writing and dance and film so much, I’d never let them go. Yes, I may be a bit confused and all-over-the-place at times since that’s just in my nature, but, I know that those parts of me will stay. Who says I can’t be a music-playing guitar-junkie writing articles on films and movies and going out dancing some cultural dances sometimes while attending protests to ensure my people and words get across to the people of our greater American society? I’ve always wanted to be in a band and play music and record and perform, but, how would it be to devote my whole life to it? When I’ve other interests? To give something 100% while juggling other things isn’t likely. But, I’ll still be doing what I like, right?

I guess the point I am trying to say right now, is that college may have changed me and made me grow, but I feel myself all the same. I’m still that shy nice girl who weirdly gets all this unasked-for attention from hound dogs, but I guess, in a sense, I’m not as “innocent” and “sheltered” anymore. I myself may not have been corrupted to have been changed, but I’ve become aware and understand. My morals and values have all still stayed intact—and perhaps there’s another story that lies underneath there—but, I’m just not my entirely “sheltered” self anymore, as much as I crave and live for a sheltered life. And, I guess there can be a loss in that—for my naive hope and dreams and burning love for things have almost died. That “youthful allure”. I’m still the sentimental sap I always was who takes things to heart a lot. I’m still that musically-inclined, never-quite-satisfied-with-her-successes kind of person. I always strive for more, but am not quite sure what that “more” is.

To surround myself with like-minded people.
To surround myself with people with the same interests.
To surround myself with the things and people I love.

I’m learning and becoming more aware of myself and position in this world we live in, but…

I guess at this point, I just want to go out there and get my hands dirty already.

Oh, and perhaps finding that miracle would be nice too. But, I can’t quite determine whenever that will happen.

In my life, I’ve lived no regrets. “Non, je ne regrette rien…”

Cheers to the life you have been living now, for you cannot connect the dots in your life looking forward, but only in looking back. Look back on the things you have done, and you will find how they have led you to where you are now, and where you will go.

I don’t mean to preach, but, be happy and feel blessed with all the opportunities in your life. Everything you do or say may amount to something, but what really matters is if it stirs a feeling inside of you to change you. Does it really speak to you? What is it do you find yourself feeling angry about, or sad, or full of glee?

I just want to play my guitar.

Why? Because a passion and a message burns inside of me. Do you feel it too?

Thank you Maria Clara, Kababayan @ UCI’s PACN XXXIV (April 19, 2013)

Kababayan at UCI’s PACN XXXIV has been a wonderful experience, and I’m so glad to know that this has been one of our strongest performances in years.

I know that our guy-to-girl ratio was off and it was hard to incorporate a lot of the dances Chris and I had originally envisioned for the Maria Clara suite, it—in my opinion—ended up being an extremely authentic and beautiful representation of the Maria Clara Filipino culture. I’ve received such positive responses on the dances, as past UCI-coords loved it and my own brother felt it to be the most authentic suite. I was able to use one of my favorite dances of all-time, choreographed and created by my own Bayanihan-alum director in KARIKTAN, “Princesa ng Kumintang,” and the beautifully elegant ballroom dance with an impressive rhythm, “Lazos de Amor”. One thing that my involvement with KARIKTAN has taught me, and that I’ve been table to distinguish from other Philippine dance companies, is our emphasis on youth beauty, dramatics, and audience charisma. My director (Tita Polly Manalo-Herrara) has been known to make the authentic contemporary, staying true to the dance’s roots and origin but making it appealing, exciting, and beautiful—whether it be making the women’s movements more feminine, or making the men’s movements more agile, strong, and dramatic. We’re also known to have the most beautiful costumes in the Bay Area, as other groups envy and try to copy our costumes (she’s an eye for detail and costume/fashion). What can I say? We pride ourselves on stage presence, character, and looks!

Before I get more off-topic, I really tried to make my dancers fall in love with the dances the same way I did—through its music, movements, and the way it made your body feel, really getting into the movements and things you found yourself doing. Music was the key thing that tied everything together (and made myself fall in love with the dances), but having to break everything down into counts during the times we had no music made everything seem dull—it was something we had to do.

After a week of living in the Bren Events Center from 5pm-midnight (and for me, until 2am because of late Tinikling practices), the end-product was amazing as we were the first cultural dance suite up, and first performance suite period. We set off the show beautifully, strong, clean, and truly authentic.

Being my first time on board and my first time really organizing a group of 55 dancers, even handling the little things such as hosting fundraising events, attending weekly hourly practices, keeping in contact with dancers, arranging meetings, finding and holding props and costumes, etc., it really tested my leadership skills, being the soft-spoken girl I am finding myself struggling to yell over people in parking garages and being in front of so many people. I really have to thank my Co for helping me throughout this process, as he’s been doing this for 4 years now. Me being my lazy anti-early-bird sometimes spacey and emotional self, he helped keep me grounded and going throughout the weeks when I lost myself and struggled to stay motivated. There was a task and vision we wanted to accomplish, and I needed to be present at all times. Though the longevity of this all seems un-ideal for trained and learned dancers (as we mostly learn dances in 2 dance sessions tops), remembering that these practices are a time to foster and build those friendships we might’ve not found elsewhere was important. As we all may have moped around at one point, creating that fun, comfortable environment where we all take an hour out of our day to enjoy each others company was something I really wanted with our practices. As someone who finds herself a bit of a people-pleaser, I looked for the groups intentions the most—even when I may have needed to take the initiative.

Whatever the case, I know in my heart that this isn’t where my involvement in PACN ends. Maria Clara was my perfect breeding and training ground for future years and productions to come, as it is one of the suites that I am “known for” and “excel” at. This 1st year was a great learning year for me, and now, as I have already envisioned pieces and suites that I want to do in the coming years, it is time to take my further experience and really feel confident with my artistic choices, heading into the practices headstrong with specific things I want to do. I’m ready to make “legends” and “stories” happen with truly narrative, artistic dance and music pieces. As Maria Clara is something that “came easy” for me, I’m excited to produce what made me fall in love with Filipino cultural dancing period—the mysticism, allurement, and beautiful narratives that can be told from the Mindanao and tribal regions of the Philippines.

But, before I get ahead of myself… Let the rest of the year sink in for me, and let me find time to really enjoy the other things in my life. … ‘til next year!