beauty within

What does it take to love as a romantic?

I think I can understand why it’s always been hard for me to be in a relationship—or rather, to like someone enough to pursue something with them. As I find myself looking over the things that have made me feel happiest—with the activities I do, the things that interest me, and the way I live my life—I think the reason may be because of a little thing we all know as “hopeless romanticism”.

That term always seemed like such a cliché term to me. I never thought of it much, except that most people who associate with that term are often those who like to sit around waiting and wishing for their “greatest love” to come around… But, I’ve found that that’s not much the case. I used to think of those fairy tales and charming romance movies as needless—I could see its charm, but it was never anything to look forward to. There was never any use fawning over these movies and never making it happen in real life. I also knew life wasn’t as rosy as those tales often depicted. What drew me more to those cliché films were the strength of the characters portrayed—their ambitions, their motives, relationships, and result of actions. I fell more in love with the characters than their actual story. I fell in love with people. Relating to characters gives you something more to hold onto than falling in love with a story.

Idealists take something and hope it will benefit their future. They hope who they are today, and what they take with them today, will take them someplace nice in the future. They’re sentimental, they’re dreamers, and they’re always looking to the future. (Sounds strangely familiar, ya?) Idealists oftentimes are your hopeless romantics. They make love look, and turn into, an art form; and, if you know me well, my life was born in art. As any artist (at least for my kind), you seek to make everything seem more beautiful than it may seem to a normal viewer.

An ordinary life succumbs to society’s definition of life. A boring life hides in the shadows of life’s events. And a beautiful life thrives in the struggles of everyday life, only hoping to overcome them to create a sense of empowerment—the drama of one’s existence. Those who constantly strive to live the beautiful life as artists depend on the drama in order for it to inspire one’s well-being, and to make actual what inspires that artist.

I guess what this all has to do with me is that I strive so much to make actual what inspires me—the dramas, stories, and characters in art that interest me—that to take the easy way out and find something that works will never seem enough to me. I need the drama to make it feel real to me. I need the emotions to know I’m human (and myself). I need the struggle to make art out of my life. —but, life isn’t all art, and that is why it may serve a downfall to me someday. I always say I have never felt a need or inclination towards someone, which makes me question what it is that will ever make me become interested. And I’ve found that it’s because I seek that drama. That persistent courtship or struggling relationship is what will make me “wake up” and realize the love I find in front of me. Or, it could just take someone especially special or different to change the game…